Though it might be tempting to cave to insecurities the minute something goes wrong—especially when it’s ED—try hard not to turn the focus onto yourself, says sexologist Emily Morse, Ph. “This doesn’t mean he’s not sexually attracted to you,” she says.“Men put so much stock in their penises working properly because of our culture’s idea of masculinity.When it comes to awkward sex scenarios, dealing with bodily malfunctions is up there with condom breakage and being walked in on unexpectedly.But it has the potential to be even worse, actually, because there are often some pretty complicated emotions that come along with physical SNAFUs in bed.“Here’s how to rule out that it’s physiological: If he has morning erections; if he can get an erection but can’t keep it; and he can get an erection by himself and ejaculate without any problem when he’s masturbating, the problem is not physical.” Instead, there’s probably something going on emotionally or intellectually that he may need to look at.
Below, five smart suggestions from top sex therapists about where to start. I ripped a page out of one of the many Moleskins I hoarded at the beginning of my journalism career and made two columns of qualities.But there was one qualification that didn’t exist on my list until a couple of years ago: wants a relationship. But the more I swiped, and the more jaded I became by the booty-callers of the world, the more I understood that those four words — “I want a relationship” — were incredibly important.Along with avoiding talking about yourself, don’t bring an air of gloom, doom, or super-seriousness to the conversation when you do talk to the guy about it. “Don’t have the conversation in the bedroom,” says Morse. Another tip is to do it when you’re in the car or walking the dog—it’s a sensitive topic, so giving them the option not to make eye contact can be a big relief and make the conversation go smoother.” Your tone and vibe matters more than what you actually say, but your message should be something along the lines of, “What happened last night was no big deal!I’ve heard a lot of guys struggle with this, so maybe it’s worth having a doctor check it out.” In young men, odds are the problem has psychological roots, says sex therapist Laurie Watson, LMFT, host of the podcast FOREPLAY: Radio Sex Therapy.